Retro

[Ashley McGowen]
Ashley, bereft of a normal working schedule now and left only with her evening classes, has requested that Enid come to her apartment early every day this week. If it weren't for silly things like requiring heat and sustenance, she'd consider this turn of events a fortuitous one: it gives her more time to devote to training Enid, to helping the girl focus and turn her thoughts toward her own advancement.

Enid's noticed very little change in the older Hermetic as far as getting "better" goes; her skin still carries an odd pallor, her gaze is troubled. But even if she's not getting better, she seems to be adjusting. To be getting used to it, the same way one gets used to constant headaches or to hearing glaring bursts of noise where song used to be.

Regardless, when the girl walks into Ashley's apartment today she's lying on her back on the couch, an arm folded around behind her head, reading through a volume of poetry. She seems to have shrunk somehow in the past two weeks, to something even smaller and more self-contained than she already was.

But it's a process of stepping upwards and out. And when she hears Enid at the door she raises herself up on her elbows and sets the book aside, ready to work. "Morning, Enid."

[Enid Geraint]
"Hey! I thought about bringing a mix CD but then realized that wouldn't be any good and I know you like tea so here's this and also I asked the teachers who know about things like aromatherapy what was good for . . . well. I kind of described what you're like now," she's a bit apologetic with that, "because depression didn't seem right and we came up with these and I brought chai because I know you like it and also there were random acts of baking and I have chocolate."

The girl makes herself busy - like a little sister, or a younger room-mate, and with equal potential to be annoying in either case. Chai and sachets (that smell quite nicely with things that would, indeed, have a positive impact where it a normal sort of depression) are handed over and she moves to the kitchen to set up a plate of baked goods (sweet breads and cookies, mostly) and chocolate before she comes to settle on the floor by the coffee table on which she sets her little plate of snacks, next to her half finished mocha-thing (with extra espresso, which probably explains some of the energy).

"I finished my workout, showered and came here," she says, and that likely explains the rest.

[Ashley McGowen]
It's a wonder Ashley hasn't gained ten pounds since beginning her friendship with Enid. Every time the girl comes over, or every time Ashley visits, she's given food. Food and tea. Ashley, despite the Hermetic name she has taken, is Romanian by blood, and if eastern Europeans are known for anything it's their proclivity for foisting food on whoever will take it. And so she's used to this, accepts it as the affectionate gesture it's meant for.

"Thanks, Enid. Go ahead and sit down," she says, gesturing toward the empty chair that sits across from her couch on the coffee table. She takes one of the cookies, bites into it, chews thoughtfully for a few moments before she says, "I'm not depressed." Though, perhaps, that is a bit of a lie: there is certainly an emotional impact this has been having.

And then, brushing the crumbs off of her hands, "Sometimes certain actions leave a sort of death taint behind. Wharil is helping me with it. So I don't want you to worry."

[Enid Geraint]
"I figured it was worth a try, and unlikely to hurt the situation," she says with a shrug, then listens attentively to the rest; given the consequences of her Awakening, it can't be surprising that she's curious about this sort of thing. I don't want you to worry gets a wry twist of lips and Enid shrugs. "You're my friend, right? I mean, aside from and in addition to the teacher thing. Of course I worry. It's what friends do when another friend is having a hard time."

But then there's thought for a moment, followed by, "What's it called, this death-taint?" Names are important. They help compartmentalize, help put things in order.

[Ashley McGowen]
"Jhor." The rest of the food is left there on the plate; it isn't that Ashley dislikes the taste, or that Enid's a bad cook - far from it. More that she simply finds herself somewhat without the desire to eat lately. Perhaps, under Wharil's advice, all the more reason she should do it, but it's difficult to bring herself to just now. "I'll learn to deal with it."

She leans back against the couch, toes coming up to curl against the very edge of the coffee table as she regards the girl. "So. I was wondering if you had any questions about anything you've read so far regarding the Code of Hermes or our history. And I wanted to give you some things to think about while you're away in China."

[Enid Geraint]
".....how do you get Jhor?" This is awfully interesting for a girl who adamantly swears she's innocent of the crimes the press had all but convicted her of bare months ago, and is asked, though redundant, for confirmation's sake. It's important, that question, and the others its answer will no doubt bring. But then there's the rest, and Enid smiles.

"Most of it makes sense. I mean, in a common sense sort of way. And, even though I've never seen or heard of faeries outside of literature, I can make the semi-logical assumption that they exist, or did at one point. And I can . . . kind of . . . get how magic or lack thereof is more important than death. Kind of," she adds with a furrowed brow that implies 'not quite'. "I guess, actually, all of it makes sense, but for the faerie part, and the obsession with being killed if there's a misstep. I mean . . . people make mistakes, yeah?"

[Ashley McGowen]
"You spend too much time around death, or you kill someone with magic," is Ashley's sole response to the Jhor question. Then, when she notices that the girl is interested, when she remembers that Enid has already killed, that she and Wharil discussed it, she adds, "Wharil can probably give you more detail on it than I can. The Euthanatos have gotten pretty good at dealing with it."

And to the rest, she listens intently. Evaluating. When Enid suggests that she might be killed if there's a misstep, Ashley smiles and shakes her head. "You have to remember that the Order is over a thousand years old, and punishments have adapted with the times. Generally, unless you -really- do something terrible, you're going to be called before a tribunal, and in most cases you'll get a slap on the wrist. So don't feel too bound up by the Code. It's still important for you to push and test yourself. They're just...ground rules for how to act around other Hermetics, for the most part."

[Enid Geraint]
".....huh," she says about the first, noncommittally. "I'll . . . talk to him, then." Maybe. Some time. Eventually.

The talk about the Code, though, gets a hint of relief, a relaxation of shoulders. "Good. I heard . . . well, never mind that." Ashley knows who Enid's mother is, after all, and knows that if Ashley recognized her for what she is, Kaye probably recognized Ashley as well. It stands to reason that there'd be a battle of sorts for the girl. "I've done . . . nasty things, depending on who's looking. But I don't think I've broken the Code at any point. So, if I run into other Hermetics, these are the rules to follow." That's not a question - it's an understanding, more than anything else. "And what about other Awakened people?"

[Ashley McGowen]
She heard. Ashley's eyebrows raise, as she wonders who the girl "heard" things from. She thinks she knows, though; it doesn't take an archmaster to figure out that the girl would have been fed propaganda by her mother and her other Technocrat friends. The better to give her the truth so she can keep her eyes open.

"There aren't any rules for them," Ashley says after a moment. "Which doesn't mean it isn't frowned upon if you harm them or get in their way. You just won't be brought before a Hermetic tribunal for it."

There's a short pause as she considers how to frame what she says next. Her own recent interactions with the Euthanatos in particular have made her rethink, to an extent, her opinion on the uselessness of the other Traditions. "One thing you should keep in mind is that other Traditions use the Will as well. It's beneath everything they do and how their magic works. They just -call- it something else, and in doing so, they're holding themselves back. I can do anything if I Will it so. That's not what other Traditions tell themselves."

[Enid Geraint]
".....how come you and Mom say the same things, except where it applies to each other?" This, it seems, is very important to the younger girl.

[Ashley McGowen]
The idea that she might be in any way similar to Enid's Technocrat mother is clearly a disturbing one to the older Hermetic. Though up until last week at the chantry she'd never taken a life, she spent the better part of three years assisting two Flambeau in attacks on the Union that bordered on terrorism. After returning to a somewhat more peaceful lifestyle (as peaceful as hers gets) she's worked against them on their own grounds, in the office, with the Sleepers.

It's safe to say that she holds a grudge.

So when she looks across the coffee table at Enid, she doesn't really seem to know what to say at first. And when she does, she chooses her words carefully. "I don't think we say the same things at all, Enid," she says. "The Technocracy feeds the Sleepers a safe life and removes any drive they could have to make themselves better. It robs them of things to strive for. We don't want the same things."

[Enid Geraint]
".....I think you might be wrong," Enid says with a shrug. "But I'm new to this. And have been oblivious for . . . oh, I don't even know how long. So I might be wrong, too. But, I think you might want the same thing. Just . . . in different ways. Like Wharil and Austin and Kage see things differently, but more so. Uncle Dan got pissed when I suggested that, but Uncle Zeke was all quiet and thoughtful."

She's quiet for a moment and picks up a piece of bread (a banana/peanut butter/chocolate concoction that Ashley'd witnessed the first iteration of) to nibble on with the last of her mocha before she returns to the more important topic at hand - as far as she's concerned. She's grown up with a Technocratic amalgam in her life's periphery, after all.

"So I have a vote in these tribunals, right? After . . . a certain point in training, I think. What do they get called for, and when, and where? I think I'd like to see one. They sound like they need lawyers and judges."

[Ashley McGowen]
Ashley, for whatever reason, is often much more patient with Enid than she is with anyone else. She has yet to lose her temper with the girl. But right now, she's coming damn close. "No. We do -not- want the same thing. We're working toward opposite things, Enid. Technocrats aren't misunderstood. They destroy people like us."

And then there's a brief, heavy pause. "And I realize we've been very open with each other so far, but don't tell me I'm wrong again. I'm your mentor now. Remember that."

And then the girl changes the subject, and with one last flare of nostrils Ashley leans back against the seat. "There's a house constructed specifically for that purpose. House Quaesitor. It's a long process becoming a Quaestori, though. Generally they'll want you to earn a law degree in the Sleeper world and train with them at the same time."

[Enid Geraint]
"Do we destroy people like them?" But it's muttered, quiet, almost sullen. Ashley's witnessed this sort of behavior, but not directed her way - when she saw it before, it had been directed towards Technocrats, towards the younger girl's mother and her friends. It is, of course, followed by, ".....I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

The rest gets a raised eyebrow, and, "I'm going to get my law degree," spoken in tones that hold hints of Will that would inspire envy in others. "And maybe more than. And I'm going to do this, too." She doesn't do things half way, this little Hermetic that could.

[Ashley McGowen]
For a split second, that sullen response concerns Ashley, and it's reflected in the look she gives Enid: a quick glance upward, as if to check to make sure she's still there, to see whether she's completely withdrawn from the conversation. But that's only for a second. She'll have to be harsh more often than not, it's good for Enid.

And at the apology, she nods and lets the matter rest, and moves on to the topic of the Quaestori.

Enid's determination earns a smile. "Good words. Now show me you mean them. But don't be afraid to explore other things. It's good for you to move outside of what you're comfortable doing." And another short pause. "What do you think it means to achieve perfection?"

[Enid Geraint]
"I think it means achieving your goals, sometimes because of the obstacles along the way, and surpassing them. I also don't think a person can achieve perfection in mortal life - or one lifetime, however you choose to look at it. I think it takes a lot more thought and effort, study and practice, than anyone can be expected to do in eighty to a hundred years. And that's assuming we start at birth."

Which doesn't mean, of course, that Enid won't try - she's the sort that strives, that perseveres, that goes on despite all odds.

"What do you think it means?" It could be taken as impertinent, though it's not meant so. Enid wonders, is all.

[Ashley McGowen]
"If you think it isn't attainable, you're limiting yourself. Perfection is Ascension, and it's the goal of the Hermetic way of life. Everything you do from now on should be toward that goal and the mastery of the self, and that's why I encourage you to think on it." Ashley pauses to let that sink in, to watch the girl and fold her hands together, relaxed, resting on the thigh of the leg that's been slightly raised to rest at the edge of the end table.

What does she think it is? Ashley doesn't seem to regard the question as impertinent. Her answer might sound almost practiced, but that isn't quite the word: it's the conviction of someone who knows what she believes and has been working toward the same goal with singleminded clarity for years. "I think it's growing and changing and learning to adapt to every situation the world can throw at you. Learning to bear losses with grace and overcome the challenges you're given. And I think when I reach the point when I have nothing left to learn, I'll have attained it."

"Do you understand how this all applies to the Will and to magic?"

[Enid Geraint]
"Aren't we limited, even as Awakened? I mean, there are still barriers we have to break, and no small number of them at that, I'd imagine," Enid says, all in the tones of a potentially precocious student speaking to her teacher - which she is, so it follows. "And of course I'm working towards it - I was doing that even before I Awakened, even if I didn't understand how far it could go. Does anyone, really? I mean . . . we're finite beings. And you've trained longer than I have, and experienced more, but . . . if you're ten years closer to the infinite, doesn't that mean you still have infinity to go through to reach it? There's not . . ."

She frowns, uncertain.

"I don't know. Anyway, I think your views on perfection probably affect how you pursue your ongoing study of magic."

[Ashley McGowen]
Ashley listens to this explanation, to Enid's thoughts on infinity, and gives a slow shake of the head. "Those are good thoughts. But you can't think of it in the context of infinity. It's a state of being, and by definition that means the search has to end somewhere."

"As for how it applies to the Will, understand that your Will is your manifestation of the self and how you affect the world, and not only magically. Any action you take is something you Will yourself to do. So as you learn and near that state, your ability to affect the world around you becomes more pure and defined. That extends to Willworking."

And, after another brief pause, a chance to let Enid absorb all of it and make herself comfortable, she jerks her thumb toward her study. "I don't want to overwhelm you with too much of this. Let's go get started on some more reading."

[Enid Geraint]
"Alright," she answers the last agreeably, though it's clear the rest won't be forgotten - it'll be stuff for her to think about while she's traveling and so forth. The girl doesn't do well with down time, it would seem from the time Ashley's known her. And then, as books are gathered - and she certainly doesn't complain about the work load, but instead takes the assigned books with a reverence that few modern adults show, let alone teenagers - she asks, "Hey, how much of this is it okay to talk to Austin about, if I want to brainstorm?"

And, aside from that, it's chatter about the books, and so forth.

[Ashley McGowen]
She follows the girl to the study, and it's fortunate that Enid doesn't complain; doing so would most assuredly have made Ashley reach the conclusion that she wasn't exhausted enough and hadn't been pushed hard enough yet, and would have resulted in more work. Delivered teasingly, but delivered nonetheless. It's a lesson that Enid has perhaps already learned from this week's studies.

"You can talk to Austin about most of it. Not the Hermetic Word, not most of the rotes I'll eventually be teaching you, and definitely not your True Name, once you've learned it. Everything else, you're free to discuss."

And, those boundaries established, they turn their attention to outlining the reading she'll be doing while traveling.